Imagine
having a boyfriend who you’re in love with. Then imagine him cheating on you.
Then imagine having to see him, on campus, at least once a week. What’s a girl
to do? The only possible answer seems to be to avoid them. But is there such a
thing as “acceptable” avoidance?
What
happens when you have a major fall out with someone you used to be friends with
and you are forced to see them on a daily basis? Granted, I am glad I attend a
somewhat larger school where I can easily blend into a crowd of people if I
need to strategically not talk to someone. But some days, I wish I were on a
campus like the U of M where there is literally two cities distancing me from
someone I don’t wish to see or speak to.
We, as
so-called-adults, don’t like to feel like we’re acting immaturely, or that we
have let our pasts scar us. However, when we’ve been hurt, it’s hard not to
revert back to that feeling of middle school rejection; how can we possibly
pick ourselves back up from heartbreak and still seem like we have it all
together? We make the conscious choice, every time we see someone from our past
that has hurt us, to either avoid them or confront them like the person they
are. I find myself going more often towards avoidance; this helps me to have the
chance not to feel those rejected feelings that I hate so much.
Maybe I’ve
been scarred from middle school. I attended a private Catholic school for the
first 14 years of my life, complete with matching uniforms and bitchy attitudes
from all the girls who attended. When I got in a fight with one girl, it was
over the fact that she thought I was copying her hairstyle. Looking back, I
laugh every time I think about the nights I spent crying in my room over the
fact that now she and I both sported the same generic hairstyle, and that she
had taken the time to even care. Given the fact that our grade only consisted
of 48 people, boys and girls combined, it was literally impossible for me to
avoid confrontation with her.
Now, I have
perfected the art of skillfully avoiding someone with the mature elegance of
someone too immature to just speak about it. I can’t decide if we think we’re
fooling anyone or not. After all, when you inevitably pass someone you used to
have some sort of history with, you both are thinking the exact same thing. Yet
we will walk by, eyes darting everywhere but their face, hoping that they
didn’t see you too.
There are
several instances that provide for an awkward run-in, each with their own set
of acceptable rules for how to act in that situation.
The first
is the most common, and perhaps the easiest to know how to act.
Keep in
mind that these run-ins are with people you are no longer friends with, have
been feuding with for whatever reason, or simply need to avoid. Not that I am
condoning such behavior in any sense. Even the nicest of people seem to have
that one person they would rather not see.
When you
walk around campus- either in the hallway or around outside, and you happen to
pass that one specific person, the easiest route is to act like you haven’t
seen them at all. The awkward eye contact can sometimes be completely avoided,
and you can carry on your life like you have never even known their name.
The second,
and probably most embarrassing, is the physical run-in with someone. I may be
alone on this score, but I find myself in more embarrassing situations than
most people.
Quite
possibly the most embarrassing is physically running into someone you have no
intention of ever speaking to again, and having to awkwardly part while
purposely not apologizing and pretending you didn’t notice at all.
It gets
quite tiring to keep track of all the ways you think you should act.
And then
there’s the passive aggressive approach. Instead of doing what you think you
should when you run into someone you don’t care for, you instead do the
opposite. You walk straight toward them, a huge smile on your face, saying
their name out loud as you greet them as if nothing has happened.
Although
seemingly the bitchiest, this approach actually makes you seem like the “bigger
person,” if such a thing even exists. You will look as if you are an adult that
can handle their problems face on, even if behind your fake smile you want to
start crying hysterically. Maybe avoidance isn’t the best option after all.
It’s the easiest
social experiment of all. I myself as an avid observer and people watcher
really enjoy seeing how I and others react to those they would rather not see
ever again. And if they choose kindness and acting as if nothing has happened?
Well, maybe that’s the answer.
After all, what
do you have to lose by trying to be kind to someone who has hurt you?
Life is
inevitably too short to try to fix everyone who doesn’t agree with you. I have
always been under the impression that I need to care about those who care about
me, and accept the fact that not everyone will love me the way they do.
I can’t
change the way people see me, so why even bother to adapt to how they want me
to be?
We can’t
take back a huge dramatic fall-out with a friend any more than we can change
the fact that we will have to see them, and yes, it will be uncomfortable.
But the
most civilized and most mature option seems to be acknowledging the fact that
yes, this person does exist, but no, we will not let this ruin our day.
After all,
aren’t we all fighting our own private battles, not visible to everyone we pass
on the street?
