Avoidance

            Imagine having a boyfriend who you’re in love with. Then imagine him cheating on you. Then imagine having to see him, on campus, at least once a week. What’s a girl to do? The only possible answer seems to be to avoid them. But is there such a thing as “acceptable” avoidance?

            What happens when you have a major fall out with someone you used to be friends with and you are forced to see them on a daily basis? Granted, I am glad I attend a somewhat larger school where I can easily blend into a crowd of people if I need to strategically not talk to someone. But some days, I wish I were on a campus like the U of M where there is literally two cities distancing me from someone I don’t wish to see or speak to.

            We, as so-called-adults, don’t like to feel like we’re acting immaturely, or that we have let our pasts scar us. However, when we’ve been hurt, it’s hard not to revert back to that feeling of middle school rejection; how can we possibly pick ourselves back up from heartbreak and still seem like we have it all together? We make the conscious choice, every time we see someone from our past that has hurt us, to either avoid them or confront them like the person they are. I find myself going more often towards avoidance; this helps me to have the chance not to feel those rejected feelings that I hate so much.

            Maybe I’ve been scarred from middle school. I attended a private Catholic school for the first 14 years of my life, complete with matching uniforms and bitchy attitudes from all the girls who attended. When I got in a fight with one girl, it was over the fact that she thought I was copying her hairstyle. Looking back, I laugh every time I think about the nights I spent crying in my room over the fact that now she and I both sported the same generic hairstyle, and that she had taken the time to even care. Given the fact that our grade only consisted of 48 people, boys and girls combined, it was literally impossible for me to avoid confrontation with her.

            Now, I have perfected the art of skillfully avoiding someone with the mature elegance of someone too immature to just speak about it. I can’t decide if we think we’re fooling anyone or not. After all, when you inevitably pass someone you used to have some sort of history with, you both are thinking the exact same thing. Yet we will walk by, eyes darting everywhere but their face, hoping that they didn’t see you too.

            There are several instances that provide for an awkward run-in, each with their own set of acceptable rules for how to act in that situation.

            The first is the most common, and perhaps the easiest to know how to act.

            Keep in mind that these run-ins are with people you are no longer friends with, have been feuding with for whatever reason, or simply need to avoid. Not that I am condoning such behavior in any sense. Even the nicest of people seem to have that one person they would rather not see.

            When you walk around campus- either in the hallway or around outside, and you happen to pass that one specific person, the easiest route is to act like you haven’t seen them at all. The awkward eye contact can sometimes be completely avoided, and you can carry on your life like you have never even known their name.

            The second, and probably most embarrassing, is the physical run-in with someone. I may be alone on this score, but I find myself in more embarrassing situations than most people.

            Quite possibly the most embarrassing is physically running into someone you have no intention of ever speaking to again, and having to awkwardly part while purposely not apologizing and pretending you didn’t notice at all.

            It gets quite tiring to keep track of all the ways you think you should act.

            And then there’s the passive aggressive approach. Instead of doing what you think you should when you run into someone you don’t care for, you instead do the opposite. You walk straight toward them, a huge smile on your face, saying their name out loud as you greet them as if nothing has happened.

            Although seemingly the bitchiest, this approach actually makes you seem like the “bigger person,” if such a thing even exists. You will look as if you are an adult that can handle their problems face on, even if behind your fake smile you want to start crying hysterically. Maybe avoidance isn’t the best option after all.

            It’s the easiest social experiment of all. I myself as an avid observer and people watcher really enjoy seeing how I and others react to those they would rather not see ever again. And if they choose kindness and acting as if nothing has happened? Well, maybe that’s the answer.

            After all, what do you have to lose by trying to be kind to someone who has hurt you?

            Life is inevitably too short to try to fix everyone who doesn’t agree with you. I have always been under the impression that I need to care about those who care about me, and accept the fact that not everyone will love me the way they do.

            I can’t change the way people see me, so why even bother to adapt to how they want me to be?

            We can’t take back a huge dramatic fall-out with a friend any more than we can change the fact that we will have to see them, and yes, it will be uncomfortable.

            But the most civilized and most mature option seems to be acknowledging the fact that yes, this person does exist, but no, we will not let this ruin our day.

            After all, aren’t we all fighting our own private battles, not visible to everyone we pass on the street?