I’m
terrified. In exactly 37 days, I will be graduating from Winona State with a
Bachelor’s Degree in English, $40,000 of debt and absolutely no idea what I
want to do with my life. I always thought that by now, I would have it figured
out. I would know who I was going to marry, I would know what I wanted to do
for a career, and I would definitely not be moving back in to my parents’
basement.
Don’t get
me wrong: I’ve been job searching almost daily, trying desperately to try to
find somewhere to work that will pay me enough to not have to move back home. But the problem is that I have no idea
if any of these jobs are actually what I want to be doing with my life. I
majored in English because I loved to write, but there are no creative writer
positions on monster.com. There is so much that I want to do, but I feel stuck
with no way to do it. With $190.72 in my bank account, I cannot plan a
backpacking trip throughout Europe this summer; I cannot buy a new car that
will drive me across the country to a brand new life; I cannot just say “fuck
it,” and lock myself in a room and try to write a novel, because I need to eat
and pay bills and buy shampoo and put gas in my car.
This
article lays out just how bad the unemployment rate for college grads is; it’s
not as bad as high school graduates, certainly, but the fear is still there
that I may not find any job, let
alone one that deals with my major. http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2013/04/how-bad-is-the-job-market-for-college-grads-your-definitive-guide/274580/
This website shows just how the job market is looking for college grads in
2013, and how bad it is compared to years past.
So the
constant struggle comes from the want to do extravagant things but no means to
do them. I have always been financially independent from my parents; I pay for
school, bills, everything… all by myself. With 19 credits this semester in
hopes to graduate in four years and (hopefully) a little less debt, that leaves
little time for a job. Which leaves me little money, basically always. I know I
need a job come May 10th, but I can’t seem to find a balance between
the need to pay my bills and the want to follow my dreams.
Especially
when I will be graduating with more debt than the average borrower. Because of
my financial independence, I am about $40,000 in debt come graduation day. This
article: http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/magazine/2012/04/student-debt-grows-to-alarming-levels/index.htm
shows just how bad this student debt problem is. Which leaves me to ask the
question, how do we both follow our dreams and pay our bills? What if we value
being financially stable over following a dream? Why is this so stigmatized?
Who decided
that we need to know what we want to do on graduation day, anyway? What if I
want to just bum around, enjoy the sunshine without an impending pile of
homework, and just enjoy my life for the first time in my sixteen years of
schooling? Who says that the Monday after I walk across the stage with my
diploma is when my “real life” has to start? I have forty years of work ahead
of me, complete with a mortgage, health bills and everything else that comes
with adult life. I almost can’t blame myself for wanting to hold on to my youth
a little bit longer.
Reading
this article on thoughtcatalog: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/im-about-to-graduate-and-im-terrified/
sparked my interest to write about my own experience at this stage in my life.
I feel just as terrified as I did as an 18 year-old college freshman, but for
completely different reasons. Four years ago, my world was open, but set to a
certain path. I knew where I was going, I just didn’t know what I would find.
And now, four years later and not that much wiser (at least, not that I can
tell), I am terrified because my world is open, and not set to any particular
path at all. I get to choose this time, and with so many choices, I’m tempted
to not make a choice at all.
You are so not alone! I have been freaking out about what I am going to do, and that I have to choose a major by this time...well I have made my decision and I feel great about it! Maybe you need to go to school again and find something you love more to do...?
ReplyDeleteAlthough I am not about to graduate, I feel you! My dream has always been to be a physical therapist and help people. Throughout my career here, I have changed my mind so many times, and my dream keeps changing. With my dream, parents, and friends all telling me different things, its hard to sort out what I actually want anymore. My advice (if I am in any position to give advice) is to keep looking! Someday, you will see a job posting that has your name written all over it and you will be glad you didn't give up!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to every single thought in this blog!! And it is almost relieving to know that it is not just me that feels this way. I remember graduating from high school and being so excited for what was to come because I had a college all lined up and I KNEW what I was going to do, what my next step was. Now, with graduation less than a month away all that I feel is fear and uncertainty. But we just have to have a little hope and take a chance :) Also, great use of links throughout this post!
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not alone. I feel this way daily when my friends are all graduating early and having a set idea of what they are going to be doing. It is one of the most stressful things someone can go through. I have decided to stress out about it less and replace the feeling of feel with the feeling of relief. The people who all know what they want to do may end up going back to school within a few short years because they absolutely hate what they are doing. I have seen many people go through this.
ReplyDeleteEven though I'm only going to be a junior after this semester gets out, I'm still scared of graduation for the exact reasons you laid out; and it's nice to know that I'm not alone in this. I love that you pointed out my most hated aspect of this situation: the challenge of "do what your love" or "do what makes the most money," and if they aren't one in the same you're supposed to choose the one that makes the most money. It's almost like society wants you to hate going to your job, and that's simply not something I'm willing to stand for.
ReplyDeleteI knew what I wanted to major in going into college. I had taken two programming classes in high school (which I'm very fortunate to have had access to considering that most high schools don't have such classes) so I had experience and knew I'd like being a CS major. However, like what seems to be everyone else, I don't know exactly what I want to do when I graduate. My major trains me to be a "code monkey" but I would hope that I get a job doing something a bit more meaningful and... dare I say fun. Am I going to take some more classes so I can specialize in something perhaps networking related? Get a job immediately after graduating?
ReplyDeleteI feel lucky sometimes, being an older non-traditional student that already has the trade of being a stylist to fall back on. That's what I always wanted to be and I still love it! Getting a degree is something to fall back on but I can relate to your blog all too well. The number one question I get about getting a BA is "What are you gonna do with that?" I say whatever I want and a helluva lot more than I could do without it. You will have options, just keep an open mind and don't listen to others expectations for your life.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great topic, and very timely. I have also had my fair share of panics about what the hell I should do with an English major. Some people ask me why on earth I would get an english major, others tell me "well, it's good for communication, everyone needs someone good at communicating." I found this book, "Undecided: How to Ditch the Endless Quest for Perfect and find the career and life thats right for you". I found it kind of comforting, but also really thought-provoking. She suggests that our generation (basically starting without grandmothers) are one of the first women to have practically all of the job world offered to us. We now have so many choices that we have a lot of anxiety making one of the biggest life choices- what to do as a career. Our grandmothers had fewer oppertunities available to them, and all the women before them. We can have almost any job we want these days (not saying we'll get paid the same) but with all the doors open, how can we pick the right one?
ReplyDeleteI have a degree in education, and am working (as a non-trad student) on my second. After teaching for 2 years, I realized that while I really enjoyed my students and actually teaching, a few incidents of child abuse made me realize that I am just not cut out for the other parts of that job. I was lucky enough to find work that I love, in a totally different field, and am now working on my degree in human services. It's really anxiety-inducing to face this big unknown monolith, but it's like the old proverb about eating an elephant... you do it one bite at a time.
ReplyDeleteI CAN'T BELIEVE WE ARE GRADUATING! Not that I wasn't aware of what is going to happen in 26 days (now), but this blog really puts it into perspective for me. But you are totally right: why do we need to have our lives planned out for us when we graduate? I know that I am in the exact same boat as you are: paying for everything and anything myself, in piles of debt with no idea what I want to do. I know where I want my life to go, but how do I get there? There is always so much pressure put on us as graduates to go out and change the world, but no one thinks that it might take just a little time to get there. I love that you wrote your blog on this because it's the words that everyone thinks, but no one says. As a soon to be theatre major, I have no idea what I'm going to do, but all I know is that I'm going to be doing what I love and that's okay with me! Good luck out there, you're gonna do great!
ReplyDeleteI am in a very similar situation but luckily have one year left until graduation and am signed up for an internship this summer that hopefully will spark my interest in that career field. My freshman and sophomore year I was an undeclared major and it was very stressful as all my friends seemed to have a plan and on track with their lives. Great blog!
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